My brother: I hate him, with every fiber of my being. I always imagine what would happen if I ever ran into him. I imagine how I would react and what would be said. But the thing is, I do not ever want to run into him. I do not ever want to think about him, and yet, I think about him every day of my life. I feel sorry for him but mostly, I am thankful for him. I am thankful that he took most of the abuse from our biological father. And I am thankful for him causing me such terror and pain in my life. Without any of the hardships he, personally, caused me, I would not be who I am today. I would not struggle every day and I would not take the time to see the beauty in things. Without him, I would not have cried myself to sleep for years, I would not have random uncontrollable breakdowns, I would not have any of my tattoos, and I would not be able to listen like I do now. Without the heartache that he has caused, I would not want to go into the profession that I do. I would not try and be friends with most every one I meet. I would not take the time to appreciate the little things or small details. I would not have sat in front of hundreds and shared my testimony. I am thankful for my brother physically, verbally, and sexually abusing me throughout most of my life. I am thankful because I would not be the person that I am today without him. Yes, I have my issues and happiness is a huge struggle with me. I can not sleep at night and looking at my family disgusts me. I rarely trust people, yet open my heart willingly to anyone. My brother is the most significant person in my life because I am thankful for the pain he has caused me.
